Finally Letting It All Out

I haven’t been able to write in a while. This is probably because of  what has transpired during the last few months. In a nut shell, I was fired again. Yes, I saw it coming before it happened and, yes, I did not feel as bad about it the second time around. My shitty boss gave me a similar speech as the previous big boss with the irritating, “Well, I was fired before too!” The puke of a man went on to say that I was a good person,  it wasn’t personal, and that he needed someone who could do the very specific job. In other words, he wanted me to be a babysitter. I realize that that is what being an assistant is all about. I shouldn’t have taken the job in the first place. My patience with people in the workplace who don’t know how to wipe their own asses vanished long ago. I knew this boss was a bad apple when he had me plan his own son’s party the first week I was there. I could go on forever about these yuppy rotten parents who are missing some sort of fundamental love in their hearts, but I’ll stop before I sound like a real bitter bitch.

Sure, I’ve been devoting about an hour a day to the “job hunt,” but it’s so frustrating. Even the jobs I apply for that I know I am completely qualified do not lead to any phone calls. Instead of moping though, I’m enjoying being a stay at home mom to my kitties (don’t laugh). When I’m not dangling a new mouse toy in front of the cats I’m either watching QVC, watching the Dog Whisperer, reading mobster books, reading other peoples’ blogs, begging J to let me get a dog, cleaning the apartment, eating, or walking down the street to get an apricot iced tea at The Coffee Bean. Two things I haven’t been doing much of are drinking alcohol (I’m giving myself a gold star on this one) and sleeping. I blame the mobster books and late night documentaries on the latter.

As much as J wants me to get a job, he keeps commenting on how amazingly happy I am lately. I tell him I’m happy to not be working for such a-holes. Last night for what feels like the hundredth time, I couldn’t sleep. I finally confessed to J and, to myself, that I am afraid to work again. I am afraid every job from now on will go like the last two. J says I need to move forward. He says I can’t apply to jobs where I’ll be an assistant again. I know that this much is true, but I’m also scared that I won’t get any other types of jobs.

Most days, I want to move back to Boston to be closer to my family. I miss them terribly, and it breaks my heart  every time my mom cries when I leave after a visit. J doesn’t want to move out of L.A., away from his parents, at least not now. He also uses the annoying excuse that he can’t find good IT jobs outside of L.A. Conveniently, for me, my sis recruits for IT jobs in Boston, and that is clearly not the case. Even though J agreed to email my sis his resume, he’s insistent that right now is not the right time for him to be looking f0r other jobs. Even though this is true to a degree, it breaks my heart when my instints tell me that he may never leave L.A. for me.

J and the cats are all I’ve got in L.A. Friends have disappeared off the face of the earth, I have no job, and not even the constant sunshine can lift my spirits in terms of what Los Angeles has to offer the world. Leaving L.A. may be like running away, but I don’t care. I have had enough of this place. I have had enough of all the cut-throat jobs, how every day seems the same, (I want to experience four distinct seasons again) and phony friends.

I promised J that I wouldn’t move anywhere without him. We’re going to begin going on at least one day trip a month to get out of the hell hole that is L.A. I don’t have to live in New England again, but I want to be at least closer to my fam. Until J and I are on the same page, I suppose I’ll have to keep plugging away on my job search, try to seek out new friends, volunteer somewhere, (one of my New Year’s resolutions) and stop buying crap on QVC. Hell yeah, the flannel sheets are nice, comfy, and live up to the Quality, Value, Convenience motto, but that doesn’t mean I have to keep buying. Sigh. All right, gotta go get some apricot iced tea down the street. That time of day, y’all.

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